Ugh!

Last Monday I was so excited I had lost almost 2 lbs wooohooo! I totally kicked week 3's ass as well, eating great, running great, getting in my strength training days. Feeling awesome and thinking oh yea I bet I see another 1.5lb loss when I step on the scale today. 130.2?! WTF? I gained back what I lost how the hell did that happen? I may just kick that scales ass to the curb. This whole working out, eating better crap is really starting to piss me off. Here I have been actively working out for 12 weeks/ 3 months, and eating damn good and instead of toning up & slimming down I seem to be packing on weight and fat. I do not understand how the hell this is possible. It is so discouraging and so frustrating to watch & count every thing I put in my mouth, to force myself to workout no matter how I feel only to be moving in the wrong direction. It makes me want to give up and go back to my regular lifestyle where I didn't care or pay attention to what I ate and I didn't force myself to get up and workout even if it was hot or raining or I was tired or whatever other excuse I have. Now I have week 4 coming at me tomorrow and instead of looking forward to the major ass kicking it's going to give me I am dreading it even more. I know I feel better after I run, I feel fantastic, energized and alive after I run but is that 30-60 minute up worth how I feel the rest of the time?

That was really my only ugh for the day. Took the kids out fishing for our neighborhood fishing derby, which led us to hellmart to buy everyone a fishing pole and get my license. The fishing pole/license turned into tackle box & gear, 3 nw bike helmets, new hand weights and 2 Jillian Michael's videos (my 2 fav by her were only $10 ea!). That turned out to be a very expensive trip. I told the kids we had better start catching some fish since that's all we are going to be eating for the rest of the month. So did not need to spend that much money, not when I am supposed to be saving for my CBE stuff and other household things. Still it was a great day, we all had a blast with some good family time together. I wouldn't go back and unspend that money or time together now. And since we all have what we need to fih I foresee many more family days at the lake with our poles :)

I did it! I did it!

\m/ \m/ Too rockin for just one emoticon! I am repeating week 3 as I said because last week was such a failure. (Note to self, when riding the pms wave just curl up and hide for a week.) I read the week 3 thread on sparkpeople and was even more disappointed in myself. I was reading all of these success stories and couldn't believe I couldn't do it. Inspiration 1 found. Standing on a real scale and seeing those numbers, inspiration 2. Not that the weight is all that big of deal, if it was muscle I'd be fine with the number, but it's not. I had a feeling I was eating too many calories and the fact I gained weight despite working out proves it. So I cut 100 calories per day, and really so far that is all I have done. This week on top of that I will be doing 1.5 hours of strength training on my off days and may look in to adding on to my cardio at some point, maybe not though since my cardio will be increasing in week 4's run.

So for now I am happy to say I complete week 3 day 1 and I am down 1.4lbs, hooyah!

a C25K update

I just know you all have been waiting for this one! I have "completed" week 3 and will be redoing it again next week. I keep falling short of the 3 minute mark by 15-25 seconds so until I can consistently hit the 3 minute mark 3 times I won't be moving on. Part of me thinks I should create my own plan, it may take longer but might be better for me while still being a challenge. Like what if week 3 was a 90 sec jog/walk and then a 2 min jog/walk, week 4 move up to the 3 min jog/walk and then I have no idea what week 5 would be lol Ok ok I know stick to the plan as written, you'll get there.

I really want to kick up my strength training days as well and add in more cardio on my run days. Perhaps stick with the Jari Love + add in an extra ab routine and on my cardio days perhaps some jump roping as well. Of course that means I need to go get a jump rope, wouldn't mind a medicine ball either.

riding on the moodcoaster

I've been considering taking some time offline. I go through this every so often, the up & down crazy waves of the moodcoaster. Lately I have been having those feelings of why do I even bother, I should just delete all of my online accounts and crawl in to my hermit hole. No one would miss me anyways. There are maybe like 10 people I interact with on facebook and even fewer that I would say I could confide in, and no one in "real life". I hate when I hit this low, it always makes me take everything so personally even when it's not. The negativity lately has gotten to me too and it's making me a little bitter.

The other downside to this coaster ride? I am so not myself. I become totally unhinged, do things I don't normally do, say idiotic things, and react like a volcano just exploding all over everything in my path. Unfortunately the ones who feel the brunt of that is my kids. As soon as it happens mommy guilt takes over, brings me down another notch on the coaster and everything gets worse. Some would say, girl, go to your doctor and get some meds. I've been that route and it is not pretty. Me and drugs, we do not mix well, in fact we are like oil & vinegar except no amount of whisking makes us blend. I seem to react one of to ways, I hit the lowest low but become robot like that even though I am super depressed I just don't care because I can't feel anything. Or I go super crazy manic mode. I've learned how to deal with the ups & downs of bipolar disorder, I can feel when I am hitting a cycle. Usually I know how to handle it and control it without it controlling me. But sometimes, there is no controlling it, it has a mind and life of it's own and all I can do is sit back and brace myself. I also try to keep myself up on my supplements and generally they do help take the edge of. However, many days shoving 15 pills & drops down my throat is just too much work so I slack off.

To make the bipolar issues worse I also suffer from adrenal fatigue syndrome which exacerbates the mood swings, especially if it's kicking in full force. I become so overwhelmingly tired and if I am tried I am easily irritated add to it the depression and BOOM. On top of that I am fairly certain I have thyroid issues. It's all piling up so bad that I have seriously considered seeing an MD (zomg!) to have my thyroid tested and going on alopathic drugs. I know, right? I must really be feeling like shit to go this route.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring and what kind of crazy assed thoughts I'll have.

The best part of waking up

is an early morning jog! Wait, wut?! Well it sure isn't folgers in my cup ;) I'm a senseo girl, never could stomach that folger's stuff. So, yeah, this morning I woke up at 6:15. Actually the alarm went off then but I was awake a few minutes before. I put myself to sleep fairly early last night, I'd guess somewhere between 9 & 930 so that I'd be well rested for this monrings run. Weather forecast was calling for high winds and 100% chance of rain by this afternoon so I didn't want to chance not being able to go today. Now I am not a morning person, in fact I would be just fine & dandy without mornings. I love the night time, yet I am scared of the dark, go figure that one out! I had a harder time getting Pixie up & dressed while I had no problems at all. I was actually, dare I say, a bit chipper.

Now my body is still sore as hell from the torture I put it through on Monday, despite the yoga I did yesterday. I took it easy and made sure all of my important muscles were well covered to stay warm. My workout went like this 5 minute walking warm up, 90 sec jog to 90 sec walk, 2min 50 sec jog to 3 min 10 sec walk, 90 sec jog to 90 sec walk, 2 min 40 sec jog to 3 min 30 sec walk, then 5 minute walk cool down. I almost almost reached the full 3 minute jog. The 1st one I literally groaned when I realized I had only missed it by 10 seconds. I wasn't as upset over the last one since my body was really feeling it and is still so sore.

To make my morning even better I just heard Pixie go outside on the back deck and call to the deer "Hi Bambi, how are you doing today? Come here I won't hurt you" They may come up closer but they won't ever get close enough to touch. Now she is sad they wouldn't come to her lol

A bra makeover

Do slipping straps, riding up backs, or not enough support have you ready to write a Dear John letter to your old bras? Apply for a Bra Makeover from Playtex! Seven out of 10 women are wearing the wrong size bra, which can result in an ill fit for the rest of their outfit, back and shoulder pain, as well as bruising and digging.

We know that busy moms don't always have time to update their bras or even check to make sure they are wearing the correct size. That's why we wanted to let you know about this contest from Playtex! Playtex recently launched www.PlaytexBraMakeover.com, a site where women can go to apply for a bra makeover or nominate a friend. If chosen, the winner will be flown to New York to receive a Bra Makeover with style expert Alison Deyette. Deyette is a fashion and trend lifestyle expert who has been featured on Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker and TLC's Ten Years Younger, as well as in print publications including Good Housekeeping, The Washington Post, and O Magazine. Apply for your chance to win a Playtex Bra Makeover today. The last day to apply is Friday, May 21st, 2010.

The 10 winners selected for a Bra Makeover will also star in their very own webisode wherein a makeover candidate will receive a fitting with Deyette and walk away with the perfect Playtex products. A new webisode will premier on www.PlaytexBraMakeover.com every two weeks.

I am heading over to the website now to see what they have. I struggle with finding the right bra as every manufacturer makes theirs a little different and even the same size but different styles by the same manufacturer can vary the fit! It's even more frustrating when your breasts are 2 different cup sizes. I sure wish the bra makers would cater to the fact most women have at least 1 cup size difference (if not more) between their breasts and a one size fits all cup just doesn't work!


- By posting this information, I am entered into a contest to win a free bra from Playtex. I did not receive any compensation for this post and thoughts and opinions expressed are my own.

A yoga kind of day

It's a typical day here in Washington and at Chez Pinup. Rainy & gloomy outside, thundering inside. Oh wait, that's just my temper. I love my special Pixie and her unique little quirks but sometimes she can push my buttons faster than any other kid. Lately it's been about her eating. She is typically a great eater, and much like me she is a grazer. I don't mind the grazing part, it's the wasting part. Every morning she has a bowl of cereal or oatmeal. As soon as she is done she wants a snack. I do make her wait a little bit (otherwise she'd eat every 30 minutes, no kidding). Yesterday her snack was a slice of bread with butter on it, which she never ate. For lunch she wanted apple slices & peanutbutter, which you guessed she never ate (in fact both are still sitting on the counter), for another snack she wanted yogurt, she had all of 2 bites and the rest was tossed. Then dinner all she ate were about 15 saltines and spinach salad. Today she had her typical cereal, then a banana. For much she wanted a hot dog & 2 slices of cheddar cheese. yes I know hotdogs are gross, I buy kosher dogs (except this week I decided to try out the new nitrate/nitrite free angus oscar meyer weiners). She ate the dog left the cheese and not 15 minutes later was asking for a bowl of oatmeal. Of course she asked half way through my workout so I stopped to fix it only to look at the table and see that she didn't finish her lunch. I was annoyed first for being interrupted and two for the food waste. I have just had it with her asking for food and then not eating only to com ask for something else to eat 15-20 minutes later. Arrrg! I don't think she should have to eat all of her food if she isn't hungry but not eating and asking for more is just not ok. We are on a tight budget and when she just throws away food like that it's taking food from the other kids who will eat it. And here comes miss crankypants yelling about being hungry and wanting her oatmeal and not wanting the cheese ::sigh::

I guess it's a good thing I am somewhat relaxed after finishing 30 minutes of yoga. After yesterdays body beat down I really needed a good stretch. I may have picked the wrong video for that ;-) I did Crunch: yoga 10 minute solution. Actually it wasn't bad but on my sore muscles it was challenging. There are 5 segments yoga basics, yoga for buns/thighs, yoga for abs, yoga burn, and yoga for relaxation, all of which are 10 minutes. I skipped the yoga burn section ok! The basics was a good intro to yoga and taught the sun salutation. The buns/thighs was great for the legs though my muscles were on fire, I love loved the ab section, short but to the point and I can feel my abs burning. The relaxation could have had some more stretching, especially for those of us who are not very flexible, but it was good and I felt it served it's purpose. I'll likely do some more stretching tonight as well as adding in some shin exercises. Getting shin splints in week 3 of the c25k is not my idea of a good time so I need to build up that muscle. I may even consider knitting some legwarmers to help keep the shin muscle warm while I am running.

Jari Love: Ripped or Hype?

I love trying out different work out videos, it keeps me entertained, keeps me from getting bored and tends to target different muscle groups in various ways I wouldn't get by sticking to one program. Plus I get to share the experience with you guys and maybe help someone find the video or workout that will suit them best.

So this week I am kicking it with Jari Love's Get Ripped: slim & lean. My first impressions was the warm up was very ehhhhh, the music is boring and really so is everything else about the video. The workout itself is fairly intense and focused for each muscle group it works. The legs, well I didn't even finish those sets for 2 reasons 1-- I have to run today, this is the start of week 3 day 1 of the C25K and I know it's going to kick my ass with those 3 minute jogs so I don't want to overwork my leg muscles and 2 -- holy fuck. Now I try not to curse too much in my blogs but really there is no other way to express the hellacious workout on the legs. I was jell-o very quickly and even had a hard time doing the dead lifts for the back/shoulder portion because my legs were shaking so bad. I cried, literally, during the arms section, the overhead tricep curls KILLED me. The push up section was awesome I loved it and man I really impressed myself keeping up with that one. So for arms and legs this workout is excellent and yea you are going to get ripped with all of the reps and the weight loads (I stayed at 3lbs, it's all I have and well I am WEAK!). I would not classify this as a beginners workout definitely for someone who is more towards intermediate or advanced, just keep in mind the music and everything is boring with a capital B. What really lost me on this video however was the serious lack of attention to the core/abs. Good strong abs are essential to good form for all over workouts and this video really really lacked the abs more than any other series I have tried. You get about 2 minutes of actual ab work and it's easy without much focus on all of the muscle groups in the abs. So while I would continue to do this workout for the arms & legs I would look to something else to fill in the gap on the abs workout (such as Jillian Michaels no more trouble spots, fantastic ab program there!) or create your own.

Now pray for me as I am going running in an hour, it's muggy and my legs are seriously shaking.

-- 2 hours later --

Holy mother of a biscuit eater! Nope I did not jog a full 3 minutes :/ I could do both 90sec jog/walks but the second sets turned in to 2min jog/4min walk. I am disappointed in myself and I refuse to blame it on having done that intense workout, or the heat (wth it was rainy/cloudy all day and then just before I leave to jog the clouds part and the sun beats down. Nice Mother Gaia, nice). I will just make myself push that much harder on Wed, while tomorrow I will do some yoga to stretch out these muscles and get them ready for the beating.

That'a not fair!

Imagine a 2 year old throwing a fit over not being able to have something, the stomping, the screaming, the whole nine yards. Now imagine that is a 31 year old woman and you will have a picture of me today. I am on what week 10 of working out (minus that week I fell off the wagon) and week 4/5? of healthier eating with plenty of whole foods and fresh produce. One of the motivating factors for getting fit was that I was not fitting in to some of my clothes. Now I can see some very small changes and felt confident I was slimming down a little. Flash Forward to yesterday I put on one of my fav retro capri's and omg I had to the the lay on the bed and suck in my gut move to button them. By the end of the day I was in a lot of pain, my hips are literally bruised today from wearing them :( On the shopping list was a new scale as the Wii has been iffy lately on being accurate. Husband brings it home, I rip it out of the box step on and I thought I was going to cry. I haven't weighed this much since giving birth 5 years ago. In the grand scheme of things it's actually not a lot of weight but 20lbs over what you are used to be IS a lot to me.

It's just not frakking fair! My mom has been doing C25K for 3 weeks (she just started week 4) and has lost 8lbs. I am on week 3 (after repeating week 2) and getting my ass kicked by Jillian Michaels or the Envy girls on my days off from running and I GAIN 15-20lbs?! What the hell? Time to step up the game and really kick it in to gear. Maybe my cousin is on to something with 2 hour workouts.

Triple Crazy

That's right I am not just one kind of crazy I am Triple crazy! Yeah baby, yeah! Ever since settling on our plan and finally deciding what I want to do, what is calling out to me, I have done nothing but read read read on my options for childbirth educator training/certification. There are several places to go all with similar philosophies, all with advantages and disadvantages to them. My top 3 picks are ICEA, ALACE (or IBHW I believe it is now called) and CAPPA. So let's look at the 3 of them individually

ICEA -- this certification would allow me to teach in a hospital (where 90% of women give birth). Very thorough with lots of hands on learning/training. Downside? It does lean more towards the hospital model of birth obviously and boy are they all over you during your training (which could be a good thing too) and it's an intense training program, which is a pro & con.

ALACE -- another I could use to teach in the hospitals although they prefer the ICEA. More towards the natural birth philosophy. Not as structured, very hands off training, no workshops, the student (me) gets a lot more flexibility. While I do love my flexibility I think it's a good thing to at least have a framework for the classes which I don't feel like I would get with this group. But since this is hands off and less structured it is also a lot less intense training program meaning I could get through it faster and practicing faster.

CAPPA -- this one is also towards the natural birth philosophy, I haven't seen anywhere that you can teach in the hospitals with this one. This is another structured heavy training with hands on interactions as well as them hands on my training although not nearly as tight as the ICEA hand is. Extra benefit to this is they also offer lactation educator certification and that is one I'd like to add to my repertoire.

So my thinking is Start with ALACE to get my certification quickly then I can go through ICEA in the accelerated (ie cheaper & faster) program and then add on the dual certification with CAPPA.

Each individual certification would be around $1200 including reading list books (and I actually plan to buy/read all of the book snot just the 4-5 required, what can I say I am a birth junkie, and huzzah I have already read at least half on the ALACE list!). However by going the accelerated route with CAPPA & ICEA after getting my ALACE it would be considerably less. I'll keep my certifications for about 3 years, long enough to get established an then I'll likely drop all but the one I need to work in the hospitals should I decide I want to keep teaching in the hospitals. I figure most clients are going to come word of mouth eventually an the certifications are just a piece of paper, any Joe Blow can get certified, it's really just a formality but gives me the education I want/need to get started on this path.

Hell who knows I may decide to add lamaze, bradley, birthing from within, birth works and hypnobirthing to my arsenal one day ::laugh:: See, triple crazy.

Negative, Ghostrider

What a beautiful day it was in Washington, clear blue skies, warm spring breeze, the birds chirping in the background . . . dead mouse on the porch. Thank cat, I know you love me and the presents are awfully nice but really can you stop with the mice? I love days like today, they make me want to leave the house and do things. I drove up to town and mailed off some packages and then headed to the school to pay for lunches for the rest of the year (can it really be only 4 weeks left?) and a filed trip, then it was off to the district office to talk to the food service director. Liz is awesome! I find it amazing to have the support of the school board and FSD behind me in this school food revolution, especially knowing how much opposition other parents have gotten trying to enact changes. We hit the ground running today with ideas and went over what we can and can't do at the moment including our two biggest hurdles: lack of a functioning kitchen at the intermediate/middle school and parental involvement. I am hoping that a parent/teacher/school board gathering one night with the showing of 2 great informative videos will really help bring the parents in and get them involved and supporting the changes. It's really imperative since I will be leaving in 2 years and will need someone to be just as passionate about this as I am to step in to my shoes and keep this movement going.

Today was also a running day as I took yesterday off after the back to back runs. Being that it was a nice day I thought this is great, nice sunny day I'd get my weekly allowance of Vitamin D, something I seem to always be deficient on out here. Ok THAT is not going to happen again. Note to self, if it's sunny and hot you have 2 choices wake up early and jog in the morning (and this means like 6-630am uggghhhh) or at night (and in the summer this means 10pm). This was probably my most painful jog, between the shin pain and the stitches/cramps I got up under my ribs I was really struggling to finish today. I can't figure out why I am having the shin pain, when I ran in the 'hood my calves got a workout but I never had any issue with my shins, but now on the flat track I am having shin issues. I've read a lot that says to land center or ball of foot and I am doing that, so maybe I need to try lengthening my stride so I land on my heel first? My lessons today: do not run during the hottest part of the day on a blacktop and stick to Carli's podcasts, the go nicole yourself music is kind of suck. No offense meant to Nicole but there were really only 2 songs I liked and on that made me laugh out loud while I struggled to finish my last interval. Thanks Carli (www.runningintoshape.com) for creating some awesome C25K podcasts!

A plan, a plan, we finally have a plan!

I am so excited I could squee, as it is it's nearly midnight and I can't sleep due to the wheels churning in my brain. Struggling with what to do after retirement has really been weighing on us and stressing me out. Do I do what makes me happy or do what is perceived to be the best for the family? As it happens the topic of what job would you do based on fulfillment not money came up totally random with the husband on the very day I was thinking about it. Which lead to a lot of soul searching.

Then tonight a friend of mine mentioned where they were moving (her husband was just released form the military) and it happens to be a city we were looking at -- ok ok that I was looking at, husband doesn't want to be near the coast, me I am a coastal girl. Anywho, it got me to looking into the real estate in the area and I already knew this town was ranked #5 of the top ten cities to start a business. Now since business is what we want to start, living in one of the top 5 cities is perfect! The real estate is mind blowing, everything I want for under $200K plus good school systems plus a great city in a great state and not to far from my hometown, winwinwin! Schwing!

So looking at the houses and thinking about the town got me to thinking hard and the plan started to unfold. Over the next 2 years I work on getting my child birth educator certification (now to decide if I want to go through ICEA or CAPPA) and possibly breastfeeding counselor/educator. Then 2 years from now (spring 2012) we get this house on the market and hopefully sold by summer. Our possessions sold, trashed or stored and me & the kids head to my dads house in SC. From there I will be able to make trips up to NC to look at homes and hopefully husband will be able to take leave and look as well. This will leave him with about 18 mths left in the service and frees him up to really go anywhere to finish out his sea duty time. Bonus for him because it means more (better!) choices than staying here. Other pluses is that we wont have to stay here an extra year waiting for the 2 older boys to graduate (meaning husband trying to find a job here for a yr), me moving ahead of time gives them 2 yrs in their last high school, gives us time to set roots and be settled, and gives me time to scope property and locations to open our business!

The downside of course is being alone and without my husband for 2 yrs. On a boat isn't really that different except I do get to see him occasionally. Really, though this is the only downside I see to this and he seems to agree. So now that we have an idea of what to do we can set more permanent goals and plans to work through over the next 2 years to get us where we need to be. I tell you I feel a million times better now and really excited. Now who wants to tell me which company I want to certify through?

OH!! I totally forgot to mention one of the BEST parts! Ok remember about 2 months back we were having the have a baby or not to have a baby debate and we decided to put the decision off until July 1. There were 2 options on the floor, A) get pregnant next year or B) take permanent step to prevent any more pregnancies, but then he tossed out option C) have another baby in 5 yrs (which I pretty much tossed off the table) but tonight option C is back on the table and part of our retirement plan! Can I wait 5 yrs? Yea probably. Will I still want another one in 5 yrs? Who the hell knows and for now that doesn't matter. The debate has been settled and I know it puts me at ease, I hope it does for him as well since it was his option after all.

Yeah, Maybe

I feel like a dumbass. I got all excited about these C25K podcasts I found and downloaded last night. I couldn't wait to see how or if they effected my performance. I get out to the track today, turn on Carli's running into shape podcast annnnnnd dun dun dun I had downloaded week 3. Fail! But wait, there's more! I flipped to the Go Nicole Yourself podcast annnnnnnd dot dot dot also week 3. Bummer that means listening to the cue only podcast, how boring!

So I am doing my run and it's a high wind day and also seems to be a bad asthma day as well. I get done with my 2nd interval and think. .. I am only going to the halfway point today when dot dot dot halfway point interval! I think to myself ok I'll do this one and then the next one then that's it. I finish the 4th and say what the hell just do 5! As I am finishing up the 5th interval it dawns on me, there are only SIX intervals, bitch you are NOT quitting with only 1 interval left to jog, that's bullshit and I am not going to let you quit. I don't care if your jog is more like a hobble (it was) you are going to DO IT. And do it I did.

I can kind of see why they say to take a day of rest in between but look 1 day in between is fine, it's the damn weekends that kill me. Once I take those 2 days getting the motivation and energy to get up and go again on Monday is killer. Here in the very near future I am going to have to get motivated enough to run in the mornings as the weather should be warming up real soon. Which begs the two questions: can I use the school track before school and can i get myself up out of bed early enough to go up there and use it before school? It would mean getting there around 7:30-7:40 and then waiting a few extra minutes after before the supervisors arrived for the kids to go in to the building. Guess I'll be calling the school this week to find out.

And I'm back!

I am BACK! Falling off the wagon is hard but it's even harder to get back on. I put on my yoga pants, sweatshirt, loaded up a podcast, tied my running shoes and drove up to the school track. Ok I had to go there anyways as my 13yo is on the track team. I waited until it was all clear and let the kids loose on the playground while I got my jog on. I restarted the C25K with week 2. I figured week 1 was going to be too easy and I was capable of doing week 2. First let me say running on a track is a million times better than rocky paved roads that are hilly. It's also a bit more private if you can imagine so no dumbasses whistling at me (and really why are you whistling at me? come on!) The podcast I loaded was a bit boring but it had several advantages to it over a stopwatch. 1--I can't cheat! There is no I'll start jogging after I make it to the top of this hill or walking after 75 sec instead of 90. 2--I am not obsessively checking the watch to see if I can stop. I just have to trust that it's going to tell me to walk when it's time and that I will make it that far. And you know what? I totally did. so 7 (I think it was 7) intervals of 90 sec jog and 2 min walking. Not too bad and I did them all without quitting on me. Doesn't seem like much to most people but I look back 4 weeks ago when I started this and I could barely handle the 60 sec jog, half the time I was stopping at 45 sec. 90 sec is a great accomplishment.

No I know you are only supposed to run every other day M-W-F but really I think I am going to do it M-T-W-Th and Friday if there are no track meets and Saturday maybe too which Sunday off. Or maybe I'll just do the 3 days and work on arms & core on my days off? Meh I don't know yet, I guess I'll just play it by ear.

*thump*

That was my ass when it fell off the wagon last week. I have been a week+ without working out after going 8+ weeks steady. I have no excuse for the 1st half of last week but the second half I was out due to my back. Lesson learned, get one of them weed popper tools to pull up hard to remove weeds b/c pulling them out yourself is bad bad bad news for your back. I pulled my back not once but twice weeding my garden. Talk about smart stuff! But hey the garden looks so much better now and the side of the house is looking nicer as well. Now I need to find the motivation and energy to get back on that wagon. It's so hard to restart when you have been out for even a few days ::sigh::

Where is the outrage?

Maybe it's just me but I feel like there is a deafening silence in the release of the AAP's new statement on Genital Cutting. While I know many Americans are strongly vehement FOR male circumcision these same people are usually vehemently outraged against the act of FGM, so why are we not hearing anything from them in regards to the AAP promoting ritual clitoral nicking in the name of cultural bias?

As I sit here pouring over information and formulating my own letter to the AAP bioethics committee, I am just stunned by how much I am not hearing from the general public and media regarding this. Does it bother no one (aside from the vocal Intactivsts) that this country could be moving backwards and allowing doctors to cut female genitals? Really?! Are you not disgusted and furious that this could be allowed in this country again? Let's forget the argument for a minute that male and female cutting are both mutilation and wrong. Let's just focus on the female aspect for right now. Why are you not foaming at the mouth that it might be OK to nick a girls clitoris. Or are you complacent with it because it is someone else's cultural norm?

Those fighting for the rights of girls have worked hard for 30 years to keep this from happening. It has been illegal here since 1996 and now, 15 years later we are going to change our minds and let it be ok? I am not sure if I am sickened, pissed off or oddly not surprised due to the major backsliding this country has already been doing this past year. Stunned, that would be a good word for it. We should all b yelling loudly about this injustice and THEN we should all get just as loud about what is being done to the infant boys as well.

From Intact America:

The AAP is condoning "non-harmful" clitoral "nicks" but any
non-therapeutic cut into the normal body of a non-consenting minor is
physically and psychologically harmful and it is also assault and
battery. Female genital cutting has been outlawed by federal law, and
the AAP is treading on dangerous ground when it promotes unlawful
conduct.

Legitimizing clitoral "nicking" by medicalizing it is not appropriate
for an organization that claims to be dedicated to the health of all
children. The AAP should be protecting children's genital integrity
rights, not compromising children to satisfy personal preference,
cultural conditioning, religious affiliation, or monetary gain.


We must call for appropriate steps to be taken to retract the Policy
Statement on Ritual Genital Cutting of Female Minors. And, let us insist
that the AAP's Task Force on Male Circumcision will do a better job at protecting our infants and children than the committee that put together this
unconscionable statement.

What will I be when I grow up

Sounds like an elementary school essay title. Kids, what do you want to be when you grow up? Many kids answer with police officer, fire fighter, nurse, doctor. . . but how many kids go on to achieve that which they dreamed as a child? My first "I want to be _____ when I grow up" I was 12 and wanted so badly to be a marine biologist and work with the Orcas and dolphins at Sea World. marine biology always stuck in the back of my brain but was never something I thought of actually pursuing. When I did go to college I was 17 and set on becoming a high school English teacher. Crazy idea coming from me. I hate school! However I had several teachers my last year of school that really touched me and helped me achieve things I never thought I was capable of. I went from being a C & F student to being placed in honors classes and making almost all A's. I was inspired to do for another child what they had done for me and that was give me confidence in my self.

Then the reality of school and caring for an infant as a single mom really set in. The scary things happening in high schools every day, the insane crap teachers were putting up with and being subjected to. It all got me down and I didn't last in that career choice. After that I switched my major to nursing. Yeah that didn't last long either, something about having to stick a needle in someones vein and draw blood nixed that real fast. After that I dropped out. I look back and regret not getting a degree, any degree, yet I know in my heart no matter what degree I had chosen then is not who I am now or what I would want to be doing now. Instead I took on life and all it's lessons. I did this thing called growing up.

Ok so now I am supposed to be this wise mature grown up, I mean I am 31, I do have 5 kids, a husband and a million responsibilities. Yet I feel younger now than I did at 21. And I still don't know what I want to do with my life! Don't get me wrong I love love love being a mom and I love the fact I have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. I wouldn't trade that for anything even if it meant we didn't have to be so tight on our budget and could so more things. Still, I want to have a degree I want to do something with my life, make something of it. I can't always be a SAHM, the kids are growing up an faster than Id like, could someone maybe make them stop doing that?

Several times now I have gone to enroll in the University of Phoenix. What keeps holding me back? Picking my degree. To be honest their online university really doesn't offer the course I would love to take (even ones just for the knowledge, just for the fun of learning!) so that makes the decision harder. They do offer a degree I need, or my husband one of us, in order to start up and run our own business once he retires from the Navy. The selfish part of me thinks he can take up the business degree, I want to do what I want to do. The sensible side of me says it makes more sense for me to attain the degree as I have more time available to me to put in for it. But that kid in my head that is stomping her feet and pounding her fists and shaking her head keeps me from making that final decision.

So what do I want to be when I grow up? So many things! I want to do it and have it ALL! That's not too much to ask is it? In my heart of hearts what I feel is my true calling is to be a midwife and LC. What I enjoy doing is being an advocate (birth, children, etc). And then there are the extra curricular items. I'd so love to take courses on theology, bioscience, photography, agriculture. . . the list goes on. And not a single one of these are available at UofP. So this means a lot of out of pocket expense, attending an actual college and working that kind of schedule around 5 very busy school aged children and a military spouse.

I almost feel like I have to put off what I want to do and my dreams until 1) husband is retired and/or 2) the kids are older and more self sufficient. It's not fair screams the child in me. When do I get to be all that I can be? And why do I feel like the sensible shoes are going to win this battle rather than those funky heels that are really calling my name.

Genital Mutilation Justification

I am what is known as an intactivist, I fight for the rights of all children male and female to equal genital integrity protection. I fight this battle knowing I will make people angry and knowing I may lose friends. This fight isn't about making friends, it's about protecting children and their rights to not have their bodies mutilated by cultural or religious reasons.

Female Genital Mutilation has been banned in the US since a 1996 Bill passed to protect female children from even a pin prick on their genitals. Most people when they think of FGM automatically go directly to the worst most horrid cases because that is what makes the news. However, the most common FGM is indeed what we are doing to male children in the US on a regular, routine basis. That is the removal of the prepuce. Yes females and males both have a prepuce and yes both offer protection, nerve endings and are normal parts of the human body. At 12 weeks gestation the male and female genitalia are exactly the same, this is one of the many reasons ultrasound technicians want to wait until 18 weeks or so to accurately tell the parents what gender their child is.

Under the Constitutions 14th amendment of equality ALL persons regardless of race or gender are EQUALLY protected under the law. I have been told male circumcision is not illegal but the fact is, it IS. The 1996 FGM bill and the 14th amendment means that male children are just as protected under the "no genital cutting" protection as females, and yet we as a people ignore this fact. The question is why? It has been ingrained in our society for 1.5 centuries to circumcise infant boys. Originally it was proclaimed it would cure masturbation and then it would cure a host of ailments including blindness. Today however it is continued to be pushed on parents claiming medical benefits, cultural reasons, to "look like dad" . . . what the doctors aren't telling you is that 1 in 250 circumcisions are a cause of death in infants, or the many many botched circumcisions that lead to painful erections, horrible scar tissue or even needing a second circumcision to correct the first botch job. They also don't tell you that for them it's a money making industry. First they receive $300-400 for 15 minute procedure but that they then sell the foreskin to the cosmetic industry for even more profit! Money talks and at the loss for our sons. They also fail to mention that routine circumcision is not promoted by any single medical collaboration. That is until now.

The AAP & CDC want to recommend RIC for all male children. It is after all a very profitable business for them. They want to ignore the health benefits to male children having their foreskin, they want to ignore the fact that most of the male population of the world is uncircumcised and that there are absolutely no medical benefits to this procedure. You want to know how they are going to go about recommending this slicing and dicing of our boys genitals? By changing their stance on FGM. They are now calling it Female Genital Cutting and prescribe that it may be ok for physicians to offer a "ritual nick" suggesting it is not harmful and could build trust between hospitals and immigrants. By lightning their stance on FGM they can open the door to recommend MGM. I noticed at the end of their statement they claim that FGM is illegal and in the us constitutes child abuse. Irony? They have it. Cutting female genitals in any way shape or form = child abuse. Cutting off 1/3 of the male penis = A OK!

A quick edit -- most of this is merely sensational opinion. Currently the AAP does not rec RIC the CDC wants to recommend it. In my opinion, to get full support for this they will need and want the AAP to back them up. By softening their wording and stance on FGM I feel this is the door cracking open to them changing their policy on RIC.

I feel a big Duh! coming on!

A great big Duh right upside my head. I thought week 3 of the C25K seemed to be a big jump from week 2 but I went with it and well we know how that went. I went back and looked (and I found a site with podcasts for each week that says when to walk and when to run so I could potentially run without my stop watch) and wouldn't you know this site had a much more reasonable and somewhat more attainable week 3 listed. 90 sec jog to 90 sec walk, then 3 min jog to 3 min walk, repeat two more times. Let me say I still didn't do the 3 minutes so I am going to repeat week 3 next week. I did however do the one thing I have been avoiding, and that is making myself run up the huge hill on the last leg of the route. It really is a killer hill and hell just walking up it kills me but I took long strides and pushed myself and reached the top. . . then nearly fell back down it from exhaustion.

When i got home I told the husbeast and he says "oh no, this is how it starts" I am thinking how what starts? he says today you say you made yourself jog the hill, next time you will say you made yourself jog the entire way. That made me break down n a fit of giggles. I can't jog 3 minutes there is no way I'll be jogging 15 minutes next week bwahahahaaaaaaaa

I am going to have to treat my calves to some extra tender stretches as my right one is seriously hurting. Tomorrow will be a long day on my feet (have a mad housewife event on Vashon island) which means Monday I am not going to want to do anything. I'll just have to force myself to get up and run, missing one day has been getting too easy and it just throws my entire schedule off.