Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Losing control, it happens
I have really prided myself on how well I have handled contest prep and it flowing well in my regular routine. Now I have always said I am not the routine type, I am a fly by the seat of my pants, what happens happens, kind of person. I discovered this week I am very very much the routine type. You see up until last week my routine was fairly boring and routine. Get up, drive the husband to the vanpool, come home and do dishes, make coffee, get kids up for school . . .and so the day progresses. Nothing really exciting you know? A little tv here, a lot of facebook there, go to the gym blah blah blah. Nice and comfy. And then I joined Team Save Fitness and holy balls did my routine fly right out of the window and my life went from boring and predictable to insanely busy! Trips to Renton to train with Tanji Johnson, posing clinics, field trips for the kids and kids with the chicken pox. I am still not done, I have more training this month, team camp, posing class, meeting with an image consultant and my suit designer, and I am sure more field trips and more kids with chicken pox, on top of running my business and I am supposed to be starting my PT job at the produce stand any day now. That leads us into the whole losing control thing. All of the past week+ activities started to catch up to me and I was losing sleep on top of it. Two days ago started a downward spiral into bingeville. I am not a binger, I am not an emotional or stress eater and generally I don't really eat sweets. I had a big bite of my sons birthday cake and it was so delicious, suddenly it was like a sugar trigger had been set off. I couldn't stop eating the frosting candy bits from the cake. Later that night I ate 2 cookies and made a fluffernutter sandwich (if you have never had one of these omg eat one!). I woke up yesterday with the resolve to stay on track, and figured being on another field trip it would be pretty simple to do right? Wrong. It started out innocently enough with a cookie, and then another cookie, then a huge ice cream cone, chocolate covered pretzel bites, some potato chips . . . I came home and said to myself I am going to bed and I don't plan to eat anymore. Yea that didn't really last long. Made a buffalo chicken wrap, had a grilled cheese with tomato soup, rice cakes, mini cookies, chocolate froyo popsicle, gummie bears. Yea it was bad. I finally fell asleep but then was woken up by my husband bringing up my last meal of the night. I woke up miserable, I felt like I needed to throw up, my stomach was so bloated it almost looked like I was having a food baby, and yet I ate that snack he brought up. I woke up this morning and while I felt better I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. My abs are gone and they feel bruised (wtf?) ad I am up 5lbs. Of course I know it's all glycogen and water and will go down in the next day or two but I feel even worse for what I put my body through. I talked to friends and that helped me work through what happened and how I lost control like I did. It happens, it's "normal" and I just need to pick up and move on. That is exactly what I plan to do. Along with that I need to set my schedule better and learn I simply cannot do it all. I may be super but I am also human and humans have limits and breaking points. I think I found mine! Today, fresh start, new day. Back on track focused on my goals. I will remember exactly how miserable I felt and feel with that major food binge so I don't have a repeat. I also can see that any plans I had to eat loosey goosey after my comp will not happen, my body just does not like it one single bit!