A plan, a plan, we finally have a plan!

I am so excited I could squee, as it is it's nearly midnight and I can't sleep due to the wheels churning in my brain. Struggling with what to do after retirement has really been weighing on us and stressing me out. Do I do what makes me happy or do what is perceived to be the best for the family? As it happens the topic of what job would you do based on fulfillment not money came up totally random with the husband on the very day I was thinking about it. Which lead to a lot of soul searching.

Then tonight a friend of mine mentioned where they were moving (her husband was just released form the military) and it happens to be a city we were looking at -- ok ok that I was looking at, husband doesn't want to be near the coast, me I am a coastal girl. Anywho, it got me to looking into the real estate in the area and I already knew this town was ranked #5 of the top ten cities to start a business. Now since business is what we want to start, living in one of the top 5 cities is perfect! The real estate is mind blowing, everything I want for under $200K plus good school systems plus a great city in a great state and not to far from my hometown, winwinwin! Schwing!

So looking at the houses and thinking about the town got me to thinking hard and the plan started to unfold. Over the next 2 years I work on getting my child birth educator certification (now to decide if I want to go through ICEA or CAPPA) and possibly breastfeeding counselor/educator. Then 2 years from now (spring 2012) we get this house on the market and hopefully sold by summer. Our possessions sold, trashed or stored and me & the kids head to my dads house in SC. From there I will be able to make trips up to NC to look at homes and hopefully husband will be able to take leave and look as well. This will leave him with about 18 mths left in the service and frees him up to really go anywhere to finish out his sea duty time. Bonus for him because it means more (better!) choices than staying here. Other pluses is that we wont have to stay here an extra year waiting for the 2 older boys to graduate (meaning husband trying to find a job here for a yr), me moving ahead of time gives them 2 yrs in their last high school, gives us time to set roots and be settled, and gives me time to scope property and locations to open our business!

The downside of course is being alone and without my husband for 2 yrs. On a boat isn't really that different except I do get to see him occasionally. Really, though this is the only downside I see to this and he seems to agree. So now that we have an idea of what to do we can set more permanent goals and plans to work through over the next 2 years to get us where we need to be. I tell you I feel a million times better now and really excited. Now who wants to tell me which company I want to certify through?

OH!! I totally forgot to mention one of the BEST parts! Ok remember about 2 months back we were having the have a baby or not to have a baby debate and we decided to put the decision off until July 1. There were 2 options on the floor, A) get pregnant next year or B) take permanent step to prevent any more pregnancies, but then he tossed out option C) have another baby in 5 yrs (which I pretty much tossed off the table) but tonight option C is back on the table and part of our retirement plan! Can I wait 5 yrs? Yea probably. Will I still want another one in 5 yrs? Who the hell knows and for now that doesn't matter. The debate has been settled and I know it puts me at ease, I hope it does for him as well since it was his option after all.

Yeah, Maybe

I feel like a dumbass. I got all excited about these C25K podcasts I found and downloaded last night. I couldn't wait to see how or if they effected my performance. I get out to the track today, turn on Carli's running into shape podcast annnnnnd dun dun dun I had downloaded week 3. Fail! But wait, there's more! I flipped to the Go Nicole Yourself podcast annnnnnnd dot dot dot also week 3. Bummer that means listening to the cue only podcast, how boring!

So I am doing my run and it's a high wind day and also seems to be a bad asthma day as well. I get done with my 2nd interval and think. .. I am only going to the halfway point today when dot dot dot halfway point interval! I think to myself ok I'll do this one and then the next one then that's it. I finish the 4th and say what the hell just do 5! As I am finishing up the 5th interval it dawns on me, there are only SIX intervals, bitch you are NOT quitting with only 1 interval left to jog, that's bullshit and I am not going to let you quit. I don't care if your jog is more like a hobble (it was) you are going to DO IT. And do it I did.

I can kind of see why they say to take a day of rest in between but look 1 day in between is fine, it's the damn weekends that kill me. Once I take those 2 days getting the motivation and energy to get up and go again on Monday is killer. Here in the very near future I am going to have to get motivated enough to run in the mornings as the weather should be warming up real soon. Which begs the two questions: can I use the school track before school and can i get myself up out of bed early enough to go up there and use it before school? It would mean getting there around 7:30-7:40 and then waiting a few extra minutes after before the supervisors arrived for the kids to go in to the building. Guess I'll be calling the school this week to find out.

And I'm back!

I am BACK! Falling off the wagon is hard but it's even harder to get back on. I put on my yoga pants, sweatshirt, loaded up a podcast, tied my running shoes and drove up to the school track. Ok I had to go there anyways as my 13yo is on the track team. I waited until it was all clear and let the kids loose on the playground while I got my jog on. I restarted the C25K with week 2. I figured week 1 was going to be too easy and I was capable of doing week 2. First let me say running on a track is a million times better than rocky paved roads that are hilly. It's also a bit more private if you can imagine so no dumbasses whistling at me (and really why are you whistling at me? come on!) The podcast I loaded was a bit boring but it had several advantages to it over a stopwatch. 1--I can't cheat! There is no I'll start jogging after I make it to the top of this hill or walking after 75 sec instead of 90. 2--I am not obsessively checking the watch to see if I can stop. I just have to trust that it's going to tell me to walk when it's time and that I will make it that far. And you know what? I totally did. so 7 (I think it was 7) intervals of 90 sec jog and 2 min walking. Not too bad and I did them all without quitting on me. Doesn't seem like much to most people but I look back 4 weeks ago when I started this and I could barely handle the 60 sec jog, half the time I was stopping at 45 sec. 90 sec is a great accomplishment.

No I know you are only supposed to run every other day M-W-F but really I think I am going to do it M-T-W-Th and Friday if there are no track meets and Saturday maybe too which Sunday off. Or maybe I'll just do the 3 days and work on arms & core on my days off? Meh I don't know yet, I guess I'll just play it by ear.

*thump*

That was my ass when it fell off the wagon last week. I have been a week+ without working out after going 8+ weeks steady. I have no excuse for the 1st half of last week but the second half I was out due to my back. Lesson learned, get one of them weed popper tools to pull up hard to remove weeds b/c pulling them out yourself is bad bad bad news for your back. I pulled my back not once but twice weeding my garden. Talk about smart stuff! But hey the garden looks so much better now and the side of the house is looking nicer as well. Now I need to find the motivation and energy to get back on that wagon. It's so hard to restart when you have been out for even a few days ::sigh::

Where is the outrage?

Maybe it's just me but I feel like there is a deafening silence in the release of the AAP's new statement on Genital Cutting. While I know many Americans are strongly vehement FOR male circumcision these same people are usually vehemently outraged against the act of FGM, so why are we not hearing anything from them in regards to the AAP promoting ritual clitoral nicking in the name of cultural bias?

As I sit here pouring over information and formulating my own letter to the AAP bioethics committee, I am just stunned by how much I am not hearing from the general public and media regarding this. Does it bother no one (aside from the vocal Intactivsts) that this country could be moving backwards and allowing doctors to cut female genitals? Really?! Are you not disgusted and furious that this could be allowed in this country again? Let's forget the argument for a minute that male and female cutting are both mutilation and wrong. Let's just focus on the female aspect for right now. Why are you not foaming at the mouth that it might be OK to nick a girls clitoris. Or are you complacent with it because it is someone else's cultural norm?

Those fighting for the rights of girls have worked hard for 30 years to keep this from happening. It has been illegal here since 1996 and now, 15 years later we are going to change our minds and let it be ok? I am not sure if I am sickened, pissed off or oddly not surprised due to the major backsliding this country has already been doing this past year. Stunned, that would be a good word for it. We should all b yelling loudly about this injustice and THEN we should all get just as loud about what is being done to the infant boys as well.

From Intact America:

The AAP is condoning "non-harmful" clitoral "nicks" but any
non-therapeutic cut into the normal body of a non-consenting minor is
physically and psychologically harmful and it is also assault and
battery. Female genital cutting has been outlawed by federal law, and
the AAP is treading on dangerous ground when it promotes unlawful
conduct.

Legitimizing clitoral "nicking" by medicalizing it is not appropriate
for an organization that claims to be dedicated to the health of all
children. The AAP should be protecting children's genital integrity
rights, not compromising children to satisfy personal preference,
cultural conditioning, religious affiliation, or monetary gain.


We must call for appropriate steps to be taken to retract the Policy
Statement on Ritual Genital Cutting of Female Minors. And, let us insist
that the AAP's Task Force on Male Circumcision will do a better job at protecting our infants and children than the committee that put together this
unconscionable statement.

What will I be when I grow up

Sounds like an elementary school essay title. Kids, what do you want to be when you grow up? Many kids answer with police officer, fire fighter, nurse, doctor. . . but how many kids go on to achieve that which they dreamed as a child? My first "I want to be _____ when I grow up" I was 12 and wanted so badly to be a marine biologist and work with the Orcas and dolphins at Sea World. marine biology always stuck in the back of my brain but was never something I thought of actually pursuing. When I did go to college I was 17 and set on becoming a high school English teacher. Crazy idea coming from me. I hate school! However I had several teachers my last year of school that really touched me and helped me achieve things I never thought I was capable of. I went from being a C & F student to being placed in honors classes and making almost all A's. I was inspired to do for another child what they had done for me and that was give me confidence in my self.

Then the reality of school and caring for an infant as a single mom really set in. The scary things happening in high schools every day, the insane crap teachers were putting up with and being subjected to. It all got me down and I didn't last in that career choice. After that I switched my major to nursing. Yeah that didn't last long either, something about having to stick a needle in someones vein and draw blood nixed that real fast. After that I dropped out. I look back and regret not getting a degree, any degree, yet I know in my heart no matter what degree I had chosen then is not who I am now or what I would want to be doing now. Instead I took on life and all it's lessons. I did this thing called growing up.

Ok so now I am supposed to be this wise mature grown up, I mean I am 31, I do have 5 kids, a husband and a million responsibilities. Yet I feel younger now than I did at 21. And I still don't know what I want to do with my life! Don't get me wrong I love love love being a mom and I love the fact I have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. I wouldn't trade that for anything even if it meant we didn't have to be so tight on our budget and could so more things. Still, I want to have a degree I want to do something with my life, make something of it. I can't always be a SAHM, the kids are growing up an faster than Id like, could someone maybe make them stop doing that?

Several times now I have gone to enroll in the University of Phoenix. What keeps holding me back? Picking my degree. To be honest their online university really doesn't offer the course I would love to take (even ones just for the knowledge, just for the fun of learning!) so that makes the decision harder. They do offer a degree I need, or my husband one of us, in order to start up and run our own business once he retires from the Navy. The selfish part of me thinks he can take up the business degree, I want to do what I want to do. The sensible side of me says it makes more sense for me to attain the degree as I have more time available to me to put in for it. But that kid in my head that is stomping her feet and pounding her fists and shaking her head keeps me from making that final decision.

So what do I want to be when I grow up? So many things! I want to do it and have it ALL! That's not too much to ask is it? In my heart of hearts what I feel is my true calling is to be a midwife and LC. What I enjoy doing is being an advocate (birth, children, etc). And then there are the extra curricular items. I'd so love to take courses on theology, bioscience, photography, agriculture. . . the list goes on. And not a single one of these are available at UofP. So this means a lot of out of pocket expense, attending an actual college and working that kind of schedule around 5 very busy school aged children and a military spouse.

I almost feel like I have to put off what I want to do and my dreams until 1) husband is retired and/or 2) the kids are older and more self sufficient. It's not fair screams the child in me. When do I get to be all that I can be? And why do I feel like the sensible shoes are going to win this battle rather than those funky heels that are really calling my name.

Genital Mutilation Justification

I am what is known as an intactivist, I fight for the rights of all children male and female to equal genital integrity protection. I fight this battle knowing I will make people angry and knowing I may lose friends. This fight isn't about making friends, it's about protecting children and their rights to not have their bodies mutilated by cultural or religious reasons.

Female Genital Mutilation has been banned in the US since a 1996 Bill passed to protect female children from even a pin prick on their genitals. Most people when they think of FGM automatically go directly to the worst most horrid cases because that is what makes the news. However, the most common FGM is indeed what we are doing to male children in the US on a regular, routine basis. That is the removal of the prepuce. Yes females and males both have a prepuce and yes both offer protection, nerve endings and are normal parts of the human body. At 12 weeks gestation the male and female genitalia are exactly the same, this is one of the many reasons ultrasound technicians want to wait until 18 weeks or so to accurately tell the parents what gender their child is.

Under the Constitutions 14th amendment of equality ALL persons regardless of race or gender are EQUALLY protected under the law. I have been told male circumcision is not illegal but the fact is, it IS. The 1996 FGM bill and the 14th amendment means that male children are just as protected under the "no genital cutting" protection as females, and yet we as a people ignore this fact. The question is why? It has been ingrained in our society for 1.5 centuries to circumcise infant boys. Originally it was proclaimed it would cure masturbation and then it would cure a host of ailments including blindness. Today however it is continued to be pushed on parents claiming medical benefits, cultural reasons, to "look like dad" . . . what the doctors aren't telling you is that 1 in 250 circumcisions are a cause of death in infants, or the many many botched circumcisions that lead to painful erections, horrible scar tissue or even needing a second circumcision to correct the first botch job. They also don't tell you that for them it's a money making industry. First they receive $300-400 for 15 minute procedure but that they then sell the foreskin to the cosmetic industry for even more profit! Money talks and at the loss for our sons. They also fail to mention that routine circumcision is not promoted by any single medical collaboration. That is until now.

The AAP & CDC want to recommend RIC for all male children. It is after all a very profitable business for them. They want to ignore the health benefits to male children having their foreskin, they want to ignore the fact that most of the male population of the world is uncircumcised and that there are absolutely no medical benefits to this procedure. You want to know how they are going to go about recommending this slicing and dicing of our boys genitals? By changing their stance on FGM. They are now calling it Female Genital Cutting and prescribe that it may be ok for physicians to offer a "ritual nick" suggesting it is not harmful and could build trust between hospitals and immigrants. By lightning their stance on FGM they can open the door to recommend MGM. I noticed at the end of their statement they claim that FGM is illegal and in the us constitutes child abuse. Irony? They have it. Cutting female genitals in any way shape or form = child abuse. Cutting off 1/3 of the male penis = A OK!

A quick edit -- most of this is merely sensational opinion. Currently the AAP does not rec RIC the CDC wants to recommend it. In my opinion, to get full support for this they will need and want the AAP to back them up. By softening their wording and stance on FGM I feel this is the door cracking open to them changing their policy on RIC.