The first few days after my last comp I was still flying pretty high, up a few pounds from eating a bunch of food but still looking lean and tight. It didn't take long for all of those extra treats to really start catching up with me. I was definitely way too lax during my week off but at the same time things were in a upheaval, and while I am in no way an emotional eater I was very much on the "I don't give a shit" train.
You see on Tuesday I decided to not listen to my coaches advice to not train and kept my training appt (that had been scheduled and paid for a few weeks prior) with Tanji Johnson. Being the big mouth that I am of course I posted all about it on facebook, I swear I have no restraint when it comes to sharing ;p After my session I emailed my coach and she "fired" me. It sucked and I was hurt. I knew enough that I wanted to have a coach that had the same lbc/mmt philosophies on diet and training but I am not experienced enough to even know where to look for new coaches. I decided then instead to go ahead and hire Tanji as my trainer. I was already working with her once a month, she is the team owner and I see her several times a month for team events. I knew from the trainings we had done and the physiques of the others she trains that this would be a good move for me. That left needing someone to handle the nutrition side.
Queue myself! I do know how to create a meal plan (obvs since this is what I do for others!) and could easily create one for myself. The trouble of course would be looking at myself objectively. I still have to work on that one, but I am getting there ;)
So with all of that, the next week I was supposed to get right back on track, follow my plan. But I still allowed cheats every night. It was like I had lost any sense of self control. The more cheats I had, the fluffier I got, the more the scale moved upward and the lower my emotions got. Last weekend I had a long talk about it with Nate. We quickly discovered he was having the same feelings in regards to his weight gain (he is in a huge building phase right now) and was depressed over how quickly he too was gaining back the fat. That conversation really helped me out a lot!
I have been working to tighten up my diet (even in a surplus it is no reason to be sloppy!) and stop with the little cheats and BLT's. I am feeling much more comfortable with my fluffier self and the scale is not going to determine my level of happiness. I am taking back control and by doing so my mood has definitely improved. Now I am ready to move forward with my building phase and enjoy the extra food and major strength gains in the gym. I know when the time comes I will shed this layer of fat to reveal some amazing gorgeous new muscle and be ready to take the stage again better than ever!
